The Snake Charmer

Snake Attack ’08: Fangs of Fury is finished!

I was on my way home and I got “the call.” I picked up the phone and Kelly said, “I found the snake! It’s on the window sill. I’m freakin’ out!” (Read the last post to get caught up.)

I had 15 minutes to get ready to go after the King Cobra that was loose and wreaking havoc in my house.

I told Kelly to get the kids upstairs and into the bonus room, and when I got home I’d be mentally ready to throw down. I rolled into the driveway, I left everything in the car and suited up. See what a real snake fighter wears to battle…

The girls were outside staring in at the snake, annoying it, getting it to coil up and get all aggro. Kelly was standing on the couch coaching me (kinda…more like screaming). And I’m standing there trying to get up the courage to charm the Pit Viper into the trash bag.

Here’s how it went down…the snake is coiled up on the window sill and I’m ready to slay the beast with 2 golf clubs, a trash bag and leather gloves.

I pinned the Boa Constrictor’s body with one club, used the other club to reposition my hold right behind its neck, thinking the duel with my nemesis was about to be over that quick. My mistake, it was just getting started…

I had it pinned and it used a classic escape tactic and wrapped itself all around the golf club. If freaked me out a little bit to be honest, didn’t really know what to do at that point.

The Python then slipped out from under the clubs and charged from one window sill to another, screams ensued, and I started to panic. If the deadly reptile got down from the windows and started cruising around the kitchen floor, it was going to get nasty. I was going to have to straight stomp on its head (unless that would kill it, then I would only firmly depress my heel onto it’s head, because I respect PETA and their effort to keep animals from wearing makeup)

Bottom line, I ended up re-pinning the dragon and grabbed it with my hands. That’s right, with my ninja-skilled hands (covered with ultra thick leather gloves that could withstand the venomous strike of any deadly animal).

At that point all that was left to do was pose for a couple pics and go let the lil’ snakey loose in the woods behind our house. After all, it is helping to regulate the rodent population in the backyard.

Don’t forget, the same guy who brought you the Adventures of the Deer Whisperer is back, and the saga of the Asian Dr. Doolittle continues…